Full article: "A saga of war and wine" in Sydney Morning Herald
Further reading: "A wine worth fighting for" (2004) by Elizabeth Gilbert in GQ magazine
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| Source: www.marcopolis.net |
Once I’d read the first paragraph of this article in SMH, I couldn’t help but compare it with a feature written by Elizabeth Gilbert in 2004. Both articles are on winemaking in war-torn Lebanon, but one appears in a newspaper and the other in a lifestyle magazine. Two disparate articles on the same topic? Very interesting.
In “A saga of war and wine”, Leisa Tyler wrote about a revival of winemaking industry in Bekaa Valley, Lebanon. The vignerons even had plans to transform the place to a destination of wine tourism – hotels, wineries, vineyard restaurants and even the first winemaking museum in Arabic world.
She intertwined some notes on transportation and accommodations, history of the place, and an important sightseeing spot with the story. Excluding the fast facts of “getting and tasting there”, the almost mandatory element of a SMH’s travel article, the article is around 1200-word long – a typical length for a newspapers’ feature.
Given the limited space for the large amount of materials Tyler put it, I have to say she had fallen into the traps of “tell, rather than show” and “use more adjectives than active verbs”.
A 17-word sentence like this: “Led by Guiberteau, we make our way into the cellars where last year's vintage fills stainless-steel barrels” could have been tightened to a vigorous 13-word one like this: “Guiberteau led us into the cellars where…”. Of course it can still get better, but you see my point.
The story is informative but too journalistic for my liking. I much prefer the narrative style in “A wine worth fighting for” by Elizabeth Gilbert.
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| Source: www.marcopolis.net |
This 2004 feature in GQ magazine is a 6000-word profile of a winemaker, Serge Hochar, who had been making wine in Lebanon during the war. Of course, Gilbert must have faced a more lenient deadline and more words to work with.
The time and length allowed her to inject anecdotes, set scene, show significant details of the people, craft better sentences, and include longer quotes. The story flows so nicely that it sounds like a conversation with a friend.
Most importantly, she brought out the passion and artistic persona of her subject - winemaking as an art and a creation of life.
Two articles are as disparate as Lafite and Burgundy. Which one do you feel like?
